Complicated
by Stahlfan125
Summary: Kate and Sawyer's relationship is, well, complicated. (Rated for language). Chapter 6: The End! Kate bandages Sawyer's arm and the two get to talking...
1. Running Away

Well, I decided to post a sequel to my story 'Kisses, the ocean, and the Real Sawyer. This one will actually have multiple chapters. I'm just putting this one under a different name because it doesn't really fit with Kisses. Besides, it could stand on its own, though it would be better if you had read the other one first.

So, read and review please! I'd be very happy!

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**Complicated**

**Chapter 1: **Running Away

"Kate?"

Kate turned around. Jack was standing there, shifting from foot to foot quickly like he always seemed to do.

"Jack," Kate said calmly. "What are you doing here?"

Jack didn't look very surprised at her chilly demeanor. He just shrugged and looked around him before continuing.

"I was just getting some more stuff for the caves." He paused, and then looked at Kate seriously, lowering his voice. "Are you sure you don't want to come?"

Kate sighed and looked back out at the ocean, drawing strength from those never-ending waves.

"I'm sure," she said quietly. "Completely sure."

There was a pause, and then Jack sighed.

"Kate," he said quietly. "Remember what the pilot said. We were far off course when we crashed. They're not going to find us any time soon. The caves are safer."

"I'm staying here, Jack," said Kate, finally looking at him. "I've made my decision."

"All right," Jack said with a sigh. "But if you change your mind…"

"I won't," Kate interrupted. Jack sighed and smiled slightly.

"All right," he said, and he moved off towards the trees. Kate noticed that he didn't have anything in his hands.

* * *

"What was that all about?"

Kate looked around her in surprise and saw Sawyer lounging in his chair a few yards away, squinting against the sun to look at her.

"Jack wanted me to go to the caves," Kate replied as she moved towards him with her arms folded across her chest, not missing the glimmer of fear that crossed Sawyer's face. "And I said no, not that it's any of your business."

Sawyer grinned at her confidently, but it was clear that he was relieved as well.

"Well sorry, Freckles, but you happen to be the only person on the beach who doesn't serve to piss me off. If you moved, I'd have no choice but to move on with you."

Kate looked back out at the ocean, shaking her head and smiling.

"I still think someone's coming," she said quietly. "Someone _has _to come. They can't just…leave us."

"Why don't you sit down," Sawyer said, gesturing to the seat next to him. Kate arched an eyebrow in surprise. She had never seen Sawyer invite anyone to sit down. People usually did sit down, of course, but Sawyer never asked them to. Then again, she couldn't deny that she was a special circumstance. Sawyer, as far as she knew, hadn't made out with anyone else on the island but her.

Kate sat, making herself comfortable before she turned and looked at Sawyer, forsaking the ocean for something even more beautiful.

"You don't think anyone's coming, do you?" she asked quietly. Sawyer sighed and looked away for a few moments, back at the beach.

"I don't know," he said. "I'm afraid to say yes and have no one come. Part of me almost doesn't _want _anyone to come."

"Why?" Kate asked incredulously. Sawyer looked at her with a small, hurt smile.

"I'd rather not go back to my life," he replied. Kate nodded slowly, trying to look like she understood, though really she knew that she never could, not in a thousand years with Sawyer.

"So then why are you here?" Kate asked, putting her leg up on the seat to get comfortable. "Why didn't you go to the caves?"

Sawyer laughed and leaned his head back against the seat, looking at her through narrowed lids.

"Look, Freckles," he said roguishly. "Dr. Hero don't like me, and I ain't too fond of him neither. I don't want to be moving there and staying with them."

"If I went, would you?" Kate asked softly. Sawyer looked at her in surprise, but Kate refused to look up and meet his gorgeous blue eyes.

"I already told you, Freckles," Sawyer said just as tenderly. "You're the only one on this beach who don't piss me off. I'd go."

Kate couldn't help but smile at him fondly, with her head tilted to one side. Sawyer suddenly straightened, looking away and picking up his book again.

"Sawyer…" Kate said quietly, but Sawyer didn't look up. "Sawyer…"

"My name's not Sawyer," Sawyer muttered under his breath, but Kate knew that she wasn't supposed to hear him.

"Then what is your name?" she asked quietly. Sawyer looked at her in surprise and sighed.

"I've never told anyone," he said in the same tone that he had been using the night before. He sounded so innocent that Kate couldn't help but smile despite herself. "And don't think that I'm going to tell you just because I can spend three minutes around you without wanting to strangle you."

Kate sighed and looked back out at the ocean, her eyes narrowing slightly. Suddenly, she felt Sawyer's hand on her arm, and she turned to look at him with surprise. He was staring at her with his eyes so sad that her heart melted and she felt herself oddly calmed by his presence.

"You don't have to tell me," she whispered quietly. "Just don't complain when I call you Sawyer."

Sawyer smiled and gave a little huff of a laugh, biting his lower lip. He didn't remove his arm. Kate, though she was beginning to feel uncomfortable, didn't move or try to shake it off. She was afraid that if she did, then she would scare Sawyer off forever.

"It's Chris," he said quietly, so quietly that Kate nearly missed it.

"Chris," she murmured quietly, turning around to him and taking his hand.

"Kate?"

Kate whirled around, dropping Sawyer's hand with her face burning red.

"What are you _doing_?" she asked angrily as Jack looked at her with betrayal and hurt clear on his face.

"I came back to try and change your mind," he said quietly. "But I see why you don't want to come, now."

"No, Jack!" Kate exclaimed, standing up and moving towards Jack. He started to walk away, but she followed him without another glance at Sawyer, Chris, or whatever the hell his name was. She had to explain.

* * *

Sawyer watched her go with a frown on his face. His hand still rested where her arm had been only a few seconds before. He had been close, so close, to getting to her. To making see that he was actually a person and not just 'that asshole who sits in the airplane seat and hordes all the shit'. She would have been the first, but she just couldn't deny that damn attraction she felt to Jack.

Why _did _she like that damn doctor anyway? Sawyer knew that he was good looking, and he knew that he was clearly better looking than Jackass. Women like her usually went for the bad-guy types, like him. They sympathized. But not Kate.

Maybe that was why he liked her so much. Maybe that was why she was the only one on the island who didn't piss him off. Maybe it was because she was so _different _from anyone else.

Whatever the reason, he sure did feel something for her. He didn't know if it was just physical or not, because she certainly was beautiful, or if it was something else. She seemed to be a nice girl, and she certainly put up with him enough to capture his attention. He also felt something, just a gut feeling, that she was someone he could trust. Maybe it was because she was the only one on the island who he knew that he probably _shouldn't _trust. After all, she was the only one on the plane who had been under arrest, as far as he could tell.

But what did it matter? Sawyer watched Kate chase after Jack, and he felt a great sadness well up in him. So she didn't care after all. He thought she cared after the way she had been talking to him, but he had been wrong. He was always wrong when it came to women. He always fell head over heels with the wrong ones. That was partly the reason why he was so fucked up and unable to trust anyone. That and the whole thing with his parents.

Finally, he moved his arm from where Kate was sitting, and he sighed heavily, picking up the book once again. He would pretend that he was okay, for his own sake. He would pretend that Kate running away from him didn't affect him at all. He would pretend, but he didn't pretend very well. He didn't even believe himself.


	2. So Close to Right

Here's number two! Please review; I would appreciate it greatly. Thank you to those who did review; you make me feel loved!

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**So Close to Right**

Sawyer shifted slightly in his chair, sighing with content. He could hear the sound of the ocean nearby, and he took comfort in knowing that something that Kate so loved was so close by his side.

"Sawy…Chris?"

Sawyer sighed and turned to look at Kate, one eyebrow raised with annoyance.

"I'm sleeping," he said pointedly.

"No you're not," Kate replied, making herself comfortable in the seat beside him. Sawyer just rolled back over and faced away from her, closing his eyes once again.

"I'm trying to sleep," he said. "Okay? So…leave."

Kate sighed and started to stand, but then she sat back down, her hand lightly resting on Sawyer's back.

"I need to talk to you," she said quietly.

"Later," Sawyer replied with annoyance.

"Sawy…Chris…"

"Call me Sawyer," Sawyer said bitterly. Kate sighed and looked at him pleadingly, though he still had not turned to face him.

"Why?" she asked. "I thought…I thought you didn't want me to call you Sawyer."

"I didn't," Sawyer said pointedly.

"But you do now?" she asked, sounding so naively confused that Sawyer couldn't help but feel sorry for her.

"Just go to sleep, Kate," Sawyer sighed.

"Fine," Kate said, but she didn't move. After a few moments, Sawyer realized that she meant to sleep right there beside him.

"Kate!" he exclaimed, exasperated. "What the fuck do you want?"

He thought that the burst of anger would scare her away, but she only leaned forward eagerly, almost like a small child.

"We're moving to the caves," she said, smiling.

"Well, congratulations to you, Freckles, but I don't see why you had to wake me up to tell me that."

Kate looked suddenly hurt, and she leaned back, her eyes widening as if he had just struck her.

"But I thought you would _want _to go to the caves!" she exclaimed. "You said that you didn't want to back to your old life, right? Well, the caves _are _a more permanent settlement."

"Sorry, Freckles, but I happen to like the beach," Sawyer said dryly. Kate tilted her head to one side in confusion.

"Well, _I'm _going," she said pointedly.

"Good for you, Freckles," he replied. Kate frowned.

"I thought I was the only one on this beach who didn't piss you off," she said. "Remember, you said that if I left, then you'd go too."

"Well, that was a few hours ago. I changed my mind."

Kate sighed and leaned back, closing her eyes and tilting her head to the sky. Then, she looked over at Sawyer again, who was staring at her with his beautiful blue eyes, just watching to see what she would say next.

"This is about what happened today with Jack, isn't it?"

"Yeah," Sawyer said with raised eyebrows. "It is. Now, please…"

"Why are you so pissed off about that?" Kate asked. Sawyer sighed.

"Look, Freckles, I'm tired," he said. "Can't we leave this until the morning?"

"No," Kate said firmly. "Come on, tell me. Why are you so mad that I chased after Jack today, huh? It's not like anything is going on between you and me, right?"

Sawyer sighed and stood up, moving to stand in front of Kate and looking down on her with anger in his gaze.

"I'm not pissed off," he said simply. "I'm just disappointed that you led me on like you did, making me think there was a chance, and then going after Doctor Glory like his acceptance mattered more than anything. Remember last night, Kate? Remember what you said to me? You said that there was nothing between him and you, and you _lied._"

Kate just hung her head and took every word that he said with a heavy heart. She knew that she had screwed up, and she was trying desperately to think of something that would make her feel less horrible about the situation.

But Sawyer didn't give her a chance to think. He stormed off into the darkness, down the beach. For a moment, she just sat there, shivering slightly in the cold night air, and then she stood up with a determined stance, and marched off after him.

"Sawyer!" she yelled as she started towards him. She couldn't see him well in the dark, but she could see that he had stopped, and was staring out at the ocean as she had been doing the night before.

She stopped beside him, and she stared at him for few moments, willing him to look back at her. He didn't, however, but just stared ahead with his hair blowing over his face romantically. Gently, she reached out her hand and touched his arm, her fingers curling around it possessively. He still did not look at her.

She knew what she had to do. The logical part of her brain countered that it was a horrible idea, and that it would make her look desperate and incapable of surviving on her own without him. The romantic part of her mind insisted that it was true; she was desperate and she couldn't survive on her own for long without him, at least, not _happily. _

So she pulled him around to face her, and she kissed him, deeper and fuller than she had ever kissed anyone before. For a moment, he was surprised and couldn't do anything except stand with his mouth partly open in shock, but then he grabbed her arms and pulled her deeper into the kiss, his eyes squeezing shut and his mouth working against hers with a desperation that matched what she had been feeling only moments earlier.

She poured everything into that kiss; all her apologies and her regrets, her sorrow and her anger. Everything good and bad went into that kiss, and she knew that Sawyer would feel it. The moment was so perfect, so real, that she couldn't help the tears that formed in her eyes.

Finally, they had to break apart, and she rested her head on his chest as his arms enveloped her. She placed on hand on his chest, and the other looped around his waist.

"Still want to move to the caves?" asked Sawyer breathlessly after a long moment of shocked silence. Kate laughed quietly.

"No," she said seriously. "I want to stay here. With you."

Sawyer was silent, and Kate could tell that he was still slightly bitter over what had happened earlier in the day.

"Why'd you do that?" he asked suddenly.

"What?" she asked, slightly confused.

"Why'd you kiss me?" Sawyer asked. "You don't seem like that kind of girl."

"Well, that shows you how much you know about me, doesn't it?" Kate asked pointedly. Sawyer laughed, but it was uneasily.

"You feel something for him," he said suddenly, pulling away from her and staring at her accusingly.

"What?" Kate asked, her eyes widening in surprise.

"Jack," Sawyer said, so angry that he forgot to make up a nickname for his bitter enemy. "You feel something for him."

Kate was about to protest, but she felt that she could not. She wasn't sure what she felt for Jack, but she couldn't deny the fact that it was there. There was definitely something there. She just didn't know exactly what it was.

"I knew it," Sawyer said, laughing without humor behind it. "I knew it all along, Freckles. I should've known."

"Sawyer, no…" Kate began, reaching out her hand to touch him, but he withdrew hurriedly as if she meant to strike him, glaring at her with more hatred than she thought possible.

"Until you get your feelings sorted out, Freckles, stay the hell away from me," he growled, and he stalked back towards the camp.

For the first time, Kate decided that it would be better to listen to him.


	3. Jealousy

Here's chapter 3. I know it's been a really long time since my last update, but I've been working hard on another story of mine, and I've only recently got my laptop back after nearly breaking it. (Looooong story). However, I _do _plan on continuing. I'll try to update _at least _once a week.

Thanks for all the reviews! I was surprised that I got as many reviews as I did! Please review again. It makes me feel special!

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**Chapter 3:**

**Jealousy**

"Kate?"

Kate jumped in surprise and turned around. Charlie stood behind her, smiling innocently.

"Charlie," Kate said blankly, looking slightly confused as to why he was there. "Um…hi."

"Hi," Charlie said, looking up at the beach once nervously before looking back at Kate. "Um…would you happen to have…?"

"I already told you I don't have any peanut butter," said Kate with a grin that came surprisingly easy considering her current mood.

"No, no, that's not it," Charlie said with a laugh, but he didn't get any further. Kate happened to look over his shoulder to see Jack standing close to Sawyer, talking to him. He appeared to be talking to him in a very patronizing manner, though Kate couldn't hear what he was saying. Sawyer was just smiling his usual cocky grin, for once not saying anything in reply.

"Hold on," she said absently as she brushed past Charlie. She barely heard Charlie's indignant grumbling before he moved off to ask someone else for whatever the Hell it was he was looking for. She was too focused on Jack and Sawyer to register anything else.

"…and I don't want you acting like you aren't bothering her, because I've seen you," Jack was saying, pointing his finger in Sawyer's face. Sawyer finally did something characteristic of himself and swatted Jack's hand away.

"Look, medicine man," he growled dangerously. "I ain't done anything she ain't welcomed. What goes on here at the beach between us is none of your damn business."

Jack seemed slightly speechless for a moment, but then he stepped forward with his fists clenched, looking ready to actually pick a fight with Sawyer.

"What's going on here?" Kate asked in order to intervene before Jack got hurt. Both men turned to face her. Jack looked guilty. Sawyer remained looking pissed off.

"Jackass here is convinced I've been putting the moves on you, Freckles," Sawyer said simply. "And he decided to tell me to leave you alone."

Kate's eyebrows rose a fraction, and Jack started to explain, but Kate interrupted him.

"Jack," she said with a sigh and a smile. "I've told you before; I can handle myself."

"I just don't like you being out here all alone with no one but _him_ to watch after you."

"Did you not catch _any _of that sentence, Cowboy?" Sawyer asked with a smirk. "She don't need me or anybody else lookin' after her. She's a big girl. She can take care of herself."

Kate nearly thanked Sawyer for backing her point, but at the last moment decided that it might not be a great idea. Instead, she just ignored Sawyer's comment. Jack, however, didn't.

"I wasn't talking to you," he said pointedly.

"Well _sorry _Doctor Hero, but you dragged me into this conversation, remember. If nobody wants me here, can I go now?"

Kate shot Sawyer a look. He just sighed.

"I'm guessing that means 'no'," he remarked. This time, it was Jack's turn to glare in his direction.

"Kate, look," Jack said patiently. "It's been more than two weeks. You heard what the pilot said. We're far off course. You really should start considering moving to a more permanent location."

Kate sighed and looked up at the sky as if she would find some answers there. She chuckled softly and then finally made herself look back at Jack.

"Jack," she said, shaking her head. "We really don't have to keep going over this. I'm not moving to the caves any time soon, okay?"

Jack sighed and looked at Sawyer, who wasn't paying attention, and then back to Kate. It was clear what he was insinuating. Kate could only shake her head.

"Jack," she said pointedly. "My decision to stay here has nothing to do with Sawyer."

Sawyer snapped back to attention, looking surprised that his name had come up again.

"Aw, shoot," he said, getting over the surprise quickly. "And I really thought you were hidin' secret feelings for me."

Kate tried to stop a small laugh, but failed. Jack obviously didn't find it very amusing, as he scowled and glared from Kate to Sawyer, insinuating some more.

"Jack, relax," Kate said, forcing a smile. "You've got so much to worry about. You shouldn't be worrying about me."

"Then move to the caves," Jack said once again. Kate sighed and shook her head.

"No," she said gently. "I can't help but hope that someone will come, and I want to be here when they do."

Jack sighed and started to turn away, but then turned back at the last moment.

"If he bothers you, don't hesitate to tell me," he said lowly, as if Sawyer wasn't standing right there. Sawyer snorted and started to walk away. Kate sighed in his direction, and turned to Jack.

"Sawyer bothers everyone," she pointed out. "Don't worry. I can handle him."

Jack grinned and finally turned to go. Again, that guilty feeling washed over Kate. It was almost like she was cheating on Jack or something by keeping her kiss with Sawyer a secret. Jack was King Arthur of the island, and Kate was pretty much seen by everyone as Queen Guinevere. If that was true, then Sawyer had to be Sir Lancelot, though Jack and Sawyer weren't anywhere near best friends, and Sawyer wasn't good and honorable and pure as Lancelot was said to have been.

Kate waited until Jack had gone away before she turned back to follow Sawyer. He was walking steadily back towards his tent, popping a cigarette in his mouth as he walked.

"Sawyer!" she called out. Sawyer turned and looked at her with a small knowing smile, blowing a puff of smoke over his shoulder as she drew closer.

"What can I do for you, Freckles," he asked confidently. Kate opened her mouth to tell him what she had decided about she and Jack, but then she stopped. The confident smirk on Sawyer's face stopped her. He knew what she was about to say. At least; he thought he knew.

"I just came to tell you that last night was a mistake," she said calmly, lifting her chin only slightly.

"No kiddin'," Sawyer said with an amused chuckle. "And what gave you that idea?"

"It did teach me one thing," Kate said, deciding suddenly to play Sawyer's game for once. "You're right. I do have feelings for Jack."

She gave Sawyer what she thought was a cocky smile, and then started to move away towards the beach. She heard Sawyer's calm laugh behind her.

"Could have fooled me," he said. Kate sighed and turned to face him, a frown on her face.

"Well, some people aren't as forward as you, Sawyer," she retorted, before she even had a chance to think. Immediately after she said it, she regretted it. She knew that Sawyer would have something to say about the night before. She was right.

"And you ain't one of them sweetheart," he remarked. "Least, judging by the way you flung yourself at me last night, you ain't."

"Look," Kate said, placing her hands on her hips and facing Sawyer with all the confidence and poise that she could manage. "I've seen the way you can be, Sawyer. I've seen another side of you that you don't show most people. I know you more than anyone here. You told me yourself that I'm the only person on this beach that you can stand. So why are being such a jerk?"

"Ain't you learned by now, Freckles?" Sawyer asked, walking up to Kate slowly. "That's who I am."

Sawyer pushed past Kate gently and moved off in the direction of the fuselage. Kate turned with him.

"No it's not," she said forcefully. "You can try to hide it as much as you want, but I know that that's not really you."

Sawyer faltered for only a moment before he continued walking. Kate stifled a sigh and turned around to walk in the opposite direction. She didn't see Sawyer stop and look over his shoulder at her, a surprisingly regretful look on his face. She didn't see him grin sadly and shake his head before he continued to walk. As he walked away, he gently took the letter out of his pocket, staring at it with sadness and indecision, before he angrily shoved it back into his pocket.


	4. Just Ask Nicely

Here it is; chapter three. I was inspired by last night's episode to write this chapter. Did anyone else find Kate and Sawyer _so _cute? I, was very worried about Claire, actually, so I wasn't focusing too much on my favorite couple, but a review on TiVo got me all fuzzy inside watching the swimming scene.

Please review! Those of you that have; thanks so much! This chapter's pretty short, but the next one promises to be a little longer.

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**Chapter 3: **Just Ask Nicely

Kate stood on the beach silently, looking out to the ocean. She let the memories wash over her; her father, Jason, the marshal…all of it just blurred, the lines of time and space blurring until everything was just a jumbled mess. She barely even felt the tear trickle slowly down her cheek.

Sighing, she turned away from the ocean and looked back towards the beach, where she could dimly see fires burning. She heard a small, girlish giggle, and she smiled to herself. Everyone was so happy; so undisturbed here. Kate knew that she had a reason to be glad that she wasn't back in the States, but she wondered if the others had reasons as well.

She'd bet that Sawyer did. Without consciously doing it, her mind just moved to think about Sawyer. It seemed to happen a lot, actually. It seemed that a part of Sawyer was just implanted into her brain, and he would just butt into her thoughts at any given moment. Of course, thinking of Sawyer usually led to her feeling like a fool, because of the things she had said and done around him.

"Heya, Freckles."

Jumping in surprise, not so much because he had appeared out of nowhere, but more because she had just been thinking about him, Kate whirled to face Sawyer, a frown replacing the thoughtful smile that had been on her face only moments before.

"What are you doing out here, Sawyer?" she asked. Sawyer laughed.

"Haven't we had this conversation before?" he asked. Kate sighed and looked away.

"Look," she said, slowly dragging her eyes up to meet his. "Why don't you just leave me alone, okay? Why the hell do you keep following me? I'm getting really tired of it."

"Ooh," Sawyer said with a chuckle. "A little testy, aren't we sweetheart? Last I checked, this beach wasn't owned by you, meanin' I can go for a walk whenever I want."

"It's not about what you can and can't do," Kate said through clenched teeth, obviously annoyed. "It's about what I'm asking you to do."

"Well, what if I say no?"

"Well, then I'd say you're an ass."

Sawyer chuckled, and looked down the beach to the fires, which suddenly seemed very far away to Kate.

"It's not like I've never heard _that _before," he reminded her with a small grin.

"You never tire of hearing it, do you?" she asked. Sawyer sighed, shaking his head, clearly able to sense the frustration in her voice.

"You need to lighten up," he remarked lightly. Kate shot him a glare.

"Well, if you leave me alone, then maybe I'd have a chance," she grumbled. Sawyer laughed.

"Now, see, that's where you're wrong, Freckles," he said. "You don't want me to leave. You want me to stay."

Kate laughed sarcastically, then frowned.

"No," she said. "I'm pretty sure I want you to leave."

"How sure?" Sawyer asked, moving closer. Kate backed away with a warning glare.

"Very," she replied. Sawyer laughed.

"Maybe you don't know what it is you want."

Kate sighed in exasperation and planted her hands on her hips, finally letting all her anger burst out of her.

"Maybe I don't," she growled. "Maybe I _can't_."

"Maybe you can't?" Sawyer asked, and Kate saw a spark of repressed anger in his eyes. "What do you mean you 'can't'?"

"Just _leave_!" Kate cried, ashamed to notice that tears were blurring her vision. "Please, Sawyer, just leave!"

"I ain't leavin' until we get this sorted out," Sawyer said pointedly, tilting his head to one side.

"There's nothing to sort out!" Kate exclaimed. "You're an ass! There's nothing else!"

Sawyer sighed and shook his head, laughing humorlessly.

"You wanna know why I'm such a goddamned asshole?" he asked suddenly. Kate reeled slightly, taken by surprise.

"What?" she asked.

"You heard me," Sawyer said.

"Well, yeah, I did, but I don't understand…"

"Have you ever noticed that no one out here bothers to say anything to me that doesn't include an insult or an order?"

Kate shrugged, still not following. Sawyer sighed and leaned close to Kate.

"All you have to do is ask nicely," he whispered. Kate opened her mouth to speak, but then she suddenly realized that Sawyer had opened his door to her once more, and she couldn't let that chance pass her by.

"And what if I don't wanna?" she asked with a playful grin. Sawyer smiled back.

"Then I guess we'll be out here for a while," he said, flopping to the sand.

"I guess we will."


	5. Anger

Here's chapter 5. This one's pretty long for me, so…yay.

Did anyone else find that there was a _disturbing _lack of Sawyer in last night's episode? We only saw him once, and that was in a _flashback_. Grrrrr…..

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**Chapter 5: Anger**

Sawyer flopped down on the sand and looked up at Kate, eyebrows raised. It was a not-so-subtle invitation that Kate wouldn't have been able to resist even if she had wanted to. She smiled and rolled her eyes, trying to make it look as if she really didn't want to sit with him, and she sat slowly, turning her head to face him.

"So you're saying that the reason you're so mean to everyone is that everyone else is mean to you?" she asked. "But at first, no one was mean to anyone…"

"Ah, well, it's a bit more complicated than that," Sawyer said with a small huff of a laugh. Kate pulled her knees up to her chin and sighed, losing herself in the mesmerizing ocean once again. After a long silence, she spoke once again.

"So tell me about it," she said. Sawyer laughed.

"I don't think so," he said. "Sorry, Freckles. You already know too much about my past."

"Why do you keep it a secret?" she asked.

"I ain't the only one," Sawyer said pointedly. Kate sighed.

"True," she said. Sawyer laughed, but this time Kate detected that his entire feeling was not behind the laugh. His thoughts were elsewhere.

"Maybe I should be getting back," he said suddenly, standing up. Kate reached up and grabbed his arm lightly without thinking. He looked down at her with surprise.

"What the hell do you have to be getting back for, Sawyer?" she asked. "You don't do anything back there."

Sawyer laughed and shrugged innocently.

"It was worth a try," he said, and he allowed Kate to tug him back to a seated position beside her. She laughed.

"Yeah right," she said. "Come on, Sawyer. I'm not that stupid."

"I'm glad," Sawyer chuckled, earning another laugh from Kate.

"Are you going to tell me or not?" Kate asked, nudging Sawyer with her shoulder. He sighed and ruffled his hair a bit.

"All you really need to know, Freckles, is that I'm a pretty fucked up guy."

Kate sighed, and almost leaned on his shoulder comfortingly, before she realized whom it was she was sitting beside.

"Well, my life hasn't been all perfect either," she replied. "You can tell me. Really. I'm pretty sure I'm the only one on this island who will understand."

"Oh, I know you will be," Sawyer replied. "And when I'm ready to tell someone, you'll be the first I tell."

Kate sighed and shook her head, looking back out at the ocean, biting her lip slightly.

"How about this," she said suddenly, turning to face him with a smile lighting her face. Sawyer was slightly surprised that she looked so…happy. He had never seen her really, truly happy. Then again, they were stuck on an island with killer polar bears and a host of strangers. There really wasn't much to be truly happy about. "When I'm ready to tell someone about me and my past, you'll be the first."

"Okay then," Sawyer said, sticking out his hand to clasp hers. "We have a deal, Freckles. Shows that you have a brain in that pretty little head of yours."

When Kate glared at him, he smiled softly, and she gave in, clasping his hand.

"Oh, and one more thing," Kate said pointedly. "Could you _please _stop being such an asshole?"

"Well, since you asked nicely," Sawyer replied, and Kate smiled. She barely even noticed that she still hadn't released Sawyer's hand.

"Sometimes," she said, shaking her head. "You surprise me."

"And the other times?" Sawyer asked playfully. Kate removed her hand from his to fix a stray strand of hair that was blowing in her face.

"The other times you're just being an asshole," she replied, and Sawyer laughed.

"But, thanks to our new treaty, you no longer have to worry about that," he said. "I'll be sickeningly sweet to you. But only you, remember that Freckles."

"Only me?" Kate asked with a playful pout. Suddenly, she realized that she was sitting out on the beach with Sawyer, in the dark, sitting so close that she could actually _feel _the heat radiating off of him. Not only that, but they were actually holding a _conversation_. One that didn't seem to be heading for a catastrophe any time soon. She dropped the pout, and tilted her head to one side.

"What?" Sawyer asked hesitantly.

"Do you realize that we are actually sitting here saying this," she said. "We're _joking _with each other."

"You mean this isn't a dream?" Sawyer asked. "Shoot, and I thought this was the same dream I've had every night since we crashed here."

"Seriously!" Kate laughed. "How weird is this? We're actually _not _trying to tear each other's heads off."

"You mean _you're _not trying to tear _my _head off," Sawyer reminded her, and she laughed.

"Okay, yeah," she said. "So I was usually the one doing the tearing. Still, isn't it amazing?"

"Not so much amazing as relieving," Sawyer said seriously. "I can sincerely say that there's someone who knows who I really am, and likes it."

"Who said I liked it?" Kate asked playfully, and Sawyer laughed.

"You'd better like it," he said. "Unless you want me to be an ass again. Because I could turn back that way any second, sweetheart."

"Well, don't do that," Kate said warningly. "Please."

"You're really getting into the habit of askin' nicely, ain't you?" he asked.

"Of course," she replied. "If that's all that it takes to get you like this, then I'll ask nicely for everything for the rest of my life."

She had expected Sawyer to as least smile at that, and was surprised when he didn't. Instead, he sighed and looked out at the ocean with heavy eyes.

"What about Jack?" he asked. Kate frowned and shook her head.

"Jack…" she began, but she stopped. "Jack's not really my type, Sawyer."

"Hell, Freckles, don't give me that bullshit. Dr. Quinn is everyone's type."

"Yeah, well I'm not everyone, am I?" Kate asked. Sawyer nodded slowly.

"No," he said. "You're not. But that doesn't change a thing. Everyone still loves Jack. I don't see why you'd be any different."

"I'm different because…well, Sawyer, look at me! If you know the things I did before all this, you'd be shocked."

"Oh, I don't know about that," Sawyer said with a knowing chuckle. "I've seen way too much to shock me too bad."

Kate laughed again, and she had to stop herself from leaning over onto Sawyer's shoulder. She couldn't help it. The companionable feeling was growing.

"Basically what I'm trying to say is that I don't have feelings for Jack."

"You told me earlier today that you did," Sawyer said indignantly.

"Yeah, well, I lied," Kate said with a smile. "But, in my defense, that was back when you were being an ass. Remember?"

"Very true," Sawyer replied. There was a short silence, and then Sawyer stood. Kate looked up at him, slightly dismayed and worried about what he was going to do or say next.

"Where are you going?" she asked.

"It's getting dark," Sawyer said, holding out a hand for her to take. She took it willingly, and with an internal sigh of relief. "We should go back."

"Maybe you're right," she said. As she turned back towards the camp, she really realized how dark it was when she could barely make out Sawyer's face. She opened her mouth to say something about the lack of light, but then tripped as she started walking. Sawyer, fortunately, caught her before she hit the ground, and kept a steadying hand on her arm.

"Easy there, Freckles!" he exclaimed. "You must be really tired if you're just gonna go throwin' yourself at the sand like that."

Kate sighed and gripped Sawyer's wrist with her hand as they walked along, afraid to let go for fear of falling.

"It's _really _dark," she said. "I wonder what time it is."

"Late," Sawyer said, and though Kate couldn't see him well, she knew that there would be a cocky smirk on his features.

"Thanks, Sawyer," she said sarcastically. He chuckled.

"No problem, sweetheart," he said with an equal sarcasm present in his voice. Suddenly, she tripped again, and Sawyer tightened his hold, laughing.

"Ow!" Kate exclaimed with over-dramatic anger. "Sawyer, dammit, stop doing that!"

"Doing what?" Sawyer began, but was cut off as something hard slammed into his side, and his arm was torn out of Kate's grasp as he and whatever had tackled him slammed into the wet sand. Kate screamed, thinking of what had killed the pilot.

"Sawyer!" she cried, knowing that her yells would attract people who would help.

Suddenly, she realized that Sawyer's attacker was a person, and they were fighting in the wet sand, the tide rising around them. By the sound of it, someone was getting beat very bad. She started to move forward frantically, and kicked something hard. Bending down to pick it up, she realized that it was a flashlight. A big one.

She turned it on to see Jack delivering a final blow to Sawyer's stomach before he stood and faced her, his knuckles red with blood.

"Jack!" she screamed, horrified. "What the hell are you doing?"

Jack narrowed his eyes and looked down at Sawyer, who was lying on the ground, not making any sign of moving any time soon. His eyes were opened, and he was smiling an eerie smile up at the sky.

"Look, Kate…" Jack began. "I don't trust him."

"So you beat the shit out of him?" Kate asked. "'Jesus, Jack, I thought you were better than that. Apparently, I thought wrong."

"Yeah, well, apparently you did," Jack said in reply. "Why the hell are you two out alone anyway?"

"We were making love beneath the stars," Sawyer said from where he lay, sounding pained, but trying to sound sarcastic. "How's that for romantic, Jackass?"

Jack lunged at Sawyer again, but suddenly Boone was there, pulling him off. When he saw who was on the receiving end of the blows, he looked around, confused. Shannon stood behind him, a smug grin on her face.

"So you finally decided to get the bastard," she said. "Is he dead? Because I _really _need some sunscreen."

Boone shot her a look that she ignored. Jack looked at Kate, who was grinning despite herself at Sawyer's comment. Suddenly, there were people everywhere, asking if she was okay.

"Yeah," she said. "We're fine. You can all go back. Sorry about that."

They all grumbled and moved off. Boone still held onto Jack as if unsure that he should leave to.

"Um…" he started, but Kate just waved him away.

"Go ahead," she said. "You can go."

"Okay," he said with a shrug. "You sure? He might kill him."

"Since when do you care whether I live or die?" Sawyer drawled. Bonne shrugged.

"Bye," he said, and he and Shannon headed back towards the fires.

"Get up," Jack said angrily to Sawyer. Sawyer sighed and staggered to his feet.

"I have to say, Jack-o, attackin' a man when he's walkin' in the dark isn't very hero-like of you."

Neither Sawyer nor Kate were prepared for Jack's fist to shoot out and connect painfully with Sawyer's jaw. Sawyer sprawled to the ground once more.

"How 'bout I stay here?" he said as he wiped blood off his face. Kate stepped forward and shoved Jack angrily.

"What the hell is your problem?" she asked.

"Is that true?" Jack asked.

"What?" Kate asked.

"What he said," Jack insisted.

"What? What who said? Sawyer?"

"Yeah."

"I think he's referring to my comment about making love under the stars," Sawyer chuckled. Kate turned to Jack and shook her head.

"You're disgusting," she said. Jack looked slightly surprised. "I can't _believe _you did that! Of course we weren't doing anything! We were talking, Jack! Why the hell did you go after him anyway?"

Jack shifted his feet nervously and looked at the ground. Kate could only guess what was coming next.

"I was jealous," he said softly, and he took a step closer to Kate. Kate took a half-a-step back and held up a hand.

"Yeah?" she asked. "Well you should be."

Jack's surprise was almost worth Sawyer getting hurt, and Kate knew that Sawyer would agree with her.

"What?" Jack asked.

"Look," Kate said. "You had no right to barge into our conversation like that. Not to mention the fact that you beat the shit out of Sawyer because you were _jealous_. That's not right."

She pushed past Jack and held out a hand to help Sawyer up. He looked at her warily for a few moments as if he thought that she was going to hit him too, before he finally accepted her hand and let her pull him to his feet.

"Kate…" Jack began, but Kate didn't let him finish.

"Jack," she said. "Look. I think you just need some time, okay? You're tired. You're stressed. I understand that you're under a lot of pressure. Trust me. I do. So just go back to the caves and sleep, okay? I'll take care of Sawyer."

Jack's mouth worked furiously, as if he was trying to think of something to say, but nothing was coming out. Finally, he just turned and stalked off back towards the fires, forgetting his flashlight.

When he was finally out of sight, Sawyer turned to Kate and shrugged.

"Good thing that wasn't weird," he said at a small attempt at humor. Kate just sighed.

"Come on," she said, tugging at his hand. "Let's go back."


	6. Lost In You

Well, here it is…the last chapter. I think it's a good time for an ending.

On a side note: is anyone else pissed that there's no new ep until the 9th? Oh well, at least Huggle Bear (Claire) is back! YAY!

Thanks to everyone who reviewed! I love you all! Muah! Virtual kisses for everyone!

* * *

Chapter 6: Lost in You

They sat close together, with Kate gently bandaging Sawyer's leg, which had somehow been torn up in the fight. Sawyer laughed at Kate's angry mutterings about what a pig Jack was.

"If you're this torn up about Doc Wonder, I hate to hear what you say about me when I ain't around."

Kate shot him a look and deliberately tightened the bandage sharply. Sawyer winced.

"Sorry," Kate said innocently.

"Yeah," Sawyer replied, rolling his eyes. After a short silence, both of them laughed.

"Really," she said, looking up at him through her eyelashes in that way that always made Sawyer just a little short of breath. "Aren't you the least bit mad at what Jack did to you?"

"Me? Mad?" Sawyer asked, grinning lazily. Kate tilted her head to one side and smiled at him reluctantly. "Freckles, I ain't mad about nothing. In fact, if Jacko hadn't jumped me back there on the beach, you wouldn't be here bandaging up my arm. Think about that, now."

Kate laughed and leaned back against the airplane seat. Sawyer found that it was hard to swallow as he watched her sitting there, the firelight from a nearby fire dancing over her face and turning her skin a beautiful golden red.

"What is it?" she asked self-consciously as she nervously tucked a strand of hair behind her ear and pulled her knees up to her chest, wrapping her arms around them. "Sawyer?"

"You're so beautiful," Sawyer said gently. Kate smiled and looked down.

"Sawyer…" she started, but suddenly Sawyer stood up.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I can't do this."

"What?" Kate asked angrily, and she stood up as well, grabbing Sawyer's arm none to gently. "Sawyer, what are you doing?"

"I can't do this," Sawyer said again, and he tried to push past Kate, but she stopped him.

"Stop!" she exclaimed. "Just…stop."

In his surprise at her forcefulness, he listened.

"Why?" he asked, and Kate was surprised at the amount of vulnerability in his voice.

"I know what you're doing," she said quietly. "I know why you're walking away from me. You want this. You want this, and it _scares _you."

"Sweetheart, I ain't scared of nothing," Sawyer said, pulling out of her grasp forcefully and starting to walk away from her.

"You can say that all you want," Kate said pointedly. "But it's a lie, and I know it."

Sawyer sighed turned to face her.

"Freckles…" he began, but she shook her head.

"You can't do this to me," she said, and Sawyer could tell that she was only barely holding her tears at bay.

"I'm not trying to hurt you!" Sawyer exclaimed.

"Well you are!" Kate replied, and Sawyer recoiled as if she had slapped him across the face. She might as well have.

"I never meant for it to be like this," Sawyer whispered.

"No one ever does," Kate said.

"I can't be what you want me to be."

"Yes you can."

"I can't."

"You _can!"_ The anger and strength in her voice surprised Sawyer, and he felt his eyebrows raise considerably. "I know why you're doing this!"

"Oh yeah? And why is that?"

Kate looked at Sawyer, and as tears slowly began to trickle down her cheeks, she replied.

"You hate yourself, Sawyer. You hate what you've become. I know, because I feel it too. I hate myself more than I could ever hate anyone. But I don't think I could ever hate me as much as you hate yourself. You want to be hurt. You deny yourself happiness. You're denying yourself _me_!"

Sawyer sighed.

"Kate…" he began again, but Kate wasn't finished.

"But what you're not realizing is that when you hurt yourself…when you want yourself to be hated…you're hurting me too. By pushing me away, you're only pushing me further back into myself; Sawyer…and I don't want to face myself again. Sawyer…everyone started over when we landed on this island. If I'm allowed to start over, then so are you."

"I can't start over," Sawyer whispered hoarsely. "Not after all the things I've done. You don't understand. You don't know what I did."

"You can just forget that, Sawyer. Forget everything. All you have to remember is me."

Kate took a small, hesitant step forward and gently laid her hand on his arm. Sawyer trembled at the contact, and Kate took that as a sign to place her other hand on Sawyer's chest lightly.

"I can't forget," Sawyer replied, but his breath was short, and Kate knew that he was desperately trying to forget everything, if only to make her happy. Suddenly, her eyes flicked up to hers, and Sawyer could see that she was clearly surprised.

"You called me Kate," she said. Sawyer didn't know what to say to that. He only stared.

"I did," he said, sounding as if he was unsure where this conversation was going.

"Why not Freckles?"

Sawyer shrugged and grinned sadly.

"Kate just slipped out," he said.

"Sawyer…" Kate began. "Just…don't leave."

"Why?" Sawyer asked bitterly. "You don't need me. You only want me because women like you always go for guys like me. In the end, women like you end up with Jack."

"Not me," Kate said pointedly. "Sawyer…when you let me see who you really are…what I see is better than Jack could ever be."

It seemed for a moment that Sawyer was unsure of what to say. Then, he sighed.

"I don't know about that," he said, but Kate shook her head.

"You're trying to push me away again," she said. "Sawyer, stop it. I'm not going away again. You can't do this to me."

"I don't want…" Sawyer began, but he shook his head and didn't finish.

"You don't want to hurt me, I know, we've established that. But if you leave now…you're going to hurt me more than you ever could if you stayed."

Sawyer blinked in surprise and stared down at Kate, looking so deeply into her eyes that she was almost frightened by it.

"Why do you want _me?_" he asked. "You could have any man on this island, and you know it. If you could get that has-been rock star away from that pregnant girl, you could even have him. Why me?"

"You could have any woman out here if you put your mind to it," Kate reminded him. He smiled.

"Yeah, but none as pretty as you," he said.

"Well, I don't think there's a guy as good looking as you here," Kate said with a smile.

"What about Dr. Quinn?" Sawyer said pointedly. "Or Abdul."

"Nope," Kate said, moving closer to him, if that was at all possible. "You're the prettiest."

Sawyer laughed.

"I'm hardly pretty," he said.

"I don't know," Kate said teasingly, reaching up to caress Sawyer's feathery hair. "Your hair is very girly. Very pretty."

"Maybe I'll shave it all off, then," Sawyer remarked. Kate gave a gasp of mock-horror.

"No!" she exclaimed. "Don't you dare!"

Sawyer laughed, and Kate joined in, until Sawyer suddenly remembered with a jolt that he was trying to get away from Kate, not draw her in more.

"Freckles…" he began sadly, but Kate's hand slowly traveled to his lips, placing a finger there firmly.

"Hush," she said, shaking her head. "Please, just don't talk anymore. I've had enough. I'm not leaving."

Sawyer sighed and collapsed into his seat once again. Kate sat beside him, and her hand hesitantly found his.

"Why are you so damn stubborn?" he asked.

"It's a talent I've acquired over the years," Kate replied with an innocent grin. Sawyer laughed and shook his head.

"I see," he said. "Boy, and I thought I was stubborn. You have me beat."

"Of course I do," Kate said sweetly. Sawyer smiled and turned his head to look at her. Kate could see that there was no longer sadness and pain in his eyes, but happiness. She glowed with pride inwardly just knowing that she had put that emotion there.

"So, Freckles," he said gently. "'Bout that kiss…"

Kate leaned in and shut him up by gently pressing her lips to his. For a short moment, Sawyer seemed too shocked to react, but finally he returned the kiss with equal fervor and passion.

Finally, she pulled away.

"What do you want me to call you?" she asked suddenly. Sawyer looked surprised.

"What?" he asked.

"Do you want me to call you Sawyer or Chris?"

Sawyer thought for a moment.

"Sawyer," he said finally. Kate tilted her head to one side.

"Why?" she asked. "I thought you were starting over."

"Sawyer sounds better," Sawyer replied, and Kate laughed. "So what do you want me to call you?"

Kate smiled lazily at him, entwining his fingers in her own.

"Do you really think I'd give up my nickname for anything?" she asked. "It's cute. I like it."

"Good," Sawyer said.

"It's my own little pet name," Kate said proudly, leaning forward and planting a quick kiss on Sawyer's lips. Sawyer laughed and wrapped his arms around Kate's slender shoulders, pulling her close to him.

"That's right, Freckles," he said gently.

And so, thoughts of their pasts far from their minds, they slept in one another's arms until the sun rose and they had to start another day.

_I hold my breath as this life starts to take its toll  
I hide behind a smile as this perfect plan unfolds  
But oh, God, I feel I've been lied to  
Lost all faith in the things I have achieved  
And I_

_I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you  
(away from this place I have made)  
Won't you take me away from me_

_Crawling through this world as disease flows through my veins  
I look into myself, but my own heart has been changed  
I can't go on like this  
I loathe all I've become_

_I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you  
(away from this place I have made)  
Won't you take me away from me_

_Lost in a dying world I reach for something more  
I have grown so weary of this lie I live_

_I've woken now to find myself  
In the shadows of all I have created  
I'm longing to be lost in you  
(away from this place I have made)  
Won't you take me away from me_

Away From Me

Evanescence


End file.
